..."Free"...

I think one of the main reasons, if not THE main reason, why I decided to move halfway across the world was ::: to be able to search for, understand, and find what it really means to be "free". Like most everyone else I know, up until a year ago my life had pretty much been planned out for me. This life consisted of school, sports, friends, and family. There wasn't much else, and I didn't need much else. After college I did what millions of other recent grads do, moved and found a "this pays my rent" job. Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for Quest Software (shout out to all my former co-workers!) for hiring me, but it was a monotonous lifestyle. Get up, go to work, go to lunch, go back to work, go home, go to sleep, repeat. I bet some of you (if anyone is actually reading this) are nodding their heads thinking, "that is my life". Well guys, I woke up one cold March morning and it hit me - it was time for a change. And this change, this resounding feeling - had to happen soon.

It's human nature to want to be around the ones we know and love, in a place that is safe and familiar. Rarely do we get that itch, that desire, to break from everything we have come to call "home" and turn our lives upside down. I don't know if it is an act of bravery to be able to do this, or cowardice to end what we have worked so hard to create. Either way, however you twist it in your head, coming to terms with this feeling is alone an act of setting yourself "free".

However, here I have found myself yearning for many of the familiar things I thought I wanted to stray from. I want a home, not a place to stay, but a home. I want friends, not just to go out with, but ones that are familiar and warm. I want a family to look forward to the holiday's with and who know my shortcomings so well, and love me for everything I am and everything I am not. I want a career, not a job, but something that sparks me… that molds me, and creates me. Doesn't sound too different, or too "free", than I was before - huh?

When I told my friends and family about my decision to move here, I usually got the same response - "this is so YOU". The ones who know me the most went on to say something along the lines of, "you won't be happy until you do this". So maybe, just maybe… I'll figure out this feeling of freedom here. It won't be due to my location…who I'm with, or what i'm doing… I'm thinking it'll be the little things that start the slight change within me… and when I understand what this feeling of "free" is, I'll let you guys in on the secret.

So I'm sitting here, in my new favorite cafe - drinking my favorite drink - twenty feet from the rolling waters of the ocean and still feeling the same pressures as I did at home, if not more. However, I'm starting to realize that the "free" factor that I'm looking for isn't due to a far away place, but it's going to start in my thoughts and then trickle down to my actions… soon enough I'll begin to live freely although I'll have the same constraints as I did back home. It's not the palm trees, or the white sand, or the (very) cold salt air… but it's in how I look at things and how I see others. Most of all, I think that it's going to be how I see myself…

Here's to finding your own freedom, friends. No matter where you are. xoxo.