"But Darlin', I'd Still Catch a Grenade For Ya.."

Ryan Bingham: How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you're carrying a backpack. I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life... you start with the little things. The shelves, the drawers, the knickknacks, then you start adding larger stuff. Clothes, tabletop appliances, lamps, your TV... the backpack should be getting pretty heavy now. You go bigger. Your couch, your car, your home... I want you to stuff it all into that backpack. Now I want you to fill it with people. Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, folks around the office... and then you move into the people you trust with your most intimate secrets. Your brothers, your sisters, your children, your parents and finally your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend. You get them into that backpack, feel the weight of that bag. Make no mistake your relationships are the heaviest components in your life. All those negotiations and arguments and secrets, the compromises. The slower we move the faster we die. Make no mistake, moving is living. Some animals were meant to carry each other to live symbiotically over a lifetime. Star crossed lovers, monogamous swans. We are not swans. We are sharks. - Up In The Air

I've written, and rewritten this post for a while now... and I still can't seem to find the words I need. It's just that... well, I have been feeling a bit blue recently. It's an uncommon emotion for me and one that I really dislike. But, it's here nonetheless and I don't think talking to you about this will do any good. I don't think you'd understand. And I think you'd just shut down. You see, I've noticed a very apparent distance between you and me. It's been going on for a while, and I think it is just getting worse and worse. Effort is definitely lacking in some places, and as we both know... cross-the-world communication is sometimes a real hassle. It makes me really sad to think about how there were times where I couldn't imagine going for months without talking to you... or not seeing you for over a year. I really feel like I've tried to maintain us... I think you're worth the heaviness. We've shared years of secrets, negotiations, compromises, and at times (I admit) - arguments. But we've also shared so much more - amazing, hilarious, spontaneous, ridiculous moments. Don't you think those alone are pretty special? Boo, my heart breaks a lot when I dwell on this too much.

I just want to let you know... that even if you're comfortable with letting this die out, I'm not. I was looking through some photos the other night and I can see why we've been friends for so long. I hope that a mutual effort springs from somewhere and we can get over this hump that you might not even know exists. But no matter what happens, now and in the end...

"darlin, i'd still catch a grenade for ya..."

xo