cobwebs.

So, I was at work the other day. It was a Monday morning at 10:30AM and I was serving a group of guys their third round of Carltons. As I was setting the beer glasses down (who aren't used to being used until at least after 11AM) I said something along the lines of, "Cheers! It's five o'clock somewhere!" My response back besides the laughter was, "oh... we're just clearing the cobwebs from our heads from this weekend". I couldn't help but think about how fantastic that explanation was. If only beer could clear all the cobwebs we have caught up in our minds, huh?

I don't mean what I'm about to say to hurt anyone, but picking up my life and moving was by far the best decision I think I've made to date. My mind was clear back home... I didn't even have the opportunity to have cobwebs in my head working at Quest and living in Columbus. Not to say my life was boring, because it definitely wasn't, but it just wasn't challenging... it didn't confuse me... it provided me with a path that was clear and straight. Strangly enough, I couldn't wrap my mind around going down that path. I pictured the next five, ten, and twenty years and could see exactly where it was going. I despised that. I wanted confusion, chaos, challenges, foreign places & people, and situations in which cobwebs were inevitable. This probably sounds pretty messed up to some people - who'd want that? Who would have a fantastic life ahead of them and pick to trudge through the unknown? Well, me for one. And I was lucky enough to have a best friend on board for the ride :)

Tomorrow will be my 8 week anniversary with this beautiful place. The longer I stay here, the more I love it... and the more it leaves my old life behind in the shadows. Instead of looking behind or looking around, I keep looking at the future. What do I want to do! Where do I want to go? The options seem endless and I haven't felt this excited in... well, ever! One of my first posts was about how I was searching to find what it really mean to be "free" (ehem, Zac Brown Band). I think I'm starting to come across it... I feel like the scene in my favorite movie, "Almost Famous", when Russell Hammond is on the roof about to jump in the pool screaming, "I AM A GOLDEN GOD!" Although, fast foward that scene 40 years and take away the drugs.

I mean this with all the love in the world... but I hope that all of you have cobwebs of your own to sort out folks. That your life isn't easy or simple. That it pushes you, challenges you, confuses you, and most of all - amazes you.

xoxo.

Sliding Doors

I want to start this VERY overdue post by saying what most of my friends and family already know, I do not believe in fate. There is zero part of me that can comprehend the existence of some sort of higher power directing all of our actions and life-altering decisions. I'd like to think that my choices, and subsequently - the outcomes of those choices, are mine and mine alone. However... that being said, I've started to think about how unbelievably strange the sequence of millions of moments that lead us to where we are right now are. Our lives are like flip books, made up of tons of tiny flashes that in whole, create our lives as we know it. Okay, I'm getting a bit carried away - aren't I?

For example, Patty and I recently got back from a trip to Brisbane, the Sunshine Coast, and the Gold Coast where we were visiting our Aussie friend, Corey. It’s crazy how a simple seat assignment on a 13 hour plane ride would result in 5 days of wakeboarding, hot tubing, tons of truth & dare Janga, and meeting some absolutely amazing people. As I said before, give a group of kids some wine and champagne and no matter what their nationality... they’re bound to wind up being friends. This first time however, it wasn’t outside of Beachcombers… but a billion feet in the air flying from L.A. to Auckland, NZ. There’s nothing like rope swinging into some pretty smelly water, having your first meat pie, and waking up in a penthouse overlooking the ocean that brings you together. That, and the hours of roadtripping listening to Aussie hip-hop. "Cocaine... propane..." What IS that song!?

Honestly, there’s really nothing I love more than meeting new people and getting to know what makes them different than anyone else I’ve ever met. I really do believe I fall in love a bit with every friend I make, as corny as that sounds. And that’s what this trip has really been about – meeting people and growing from all the experiences that they’ve had, and the ones that you have together. But I have a bone to pick with the universe. I’ve recently had to say my first good-bye (shout out Ken Davies) and that was nothing that I was remotely prepared for. Nobody ever warned me that the life of a traveler could be so tough at times! I guess I just never realized, or really thought, that I’d ever have to leave these incredible people at some point. It’s kind of like college where I just assumed everyone I loved would move to the same city and we’d be together forever. But this time it’s even harder, because it’s not just different States that we run off to… but different countries all together. As fantastic as my international web of people is becoming, I’m a bit heartbroken every time I realized that we will all eventually wind up where we started – apart.

There's a street in the CBD that has a "Living Wall". It's a particular side of a brick building that has tons of pieces of paper tied to bars on it's windows. On each piece of paper there's a message about someone in particular, or a general prayer for people, who have passed away. I think it's purpose is to keep these individuals alive by remembering them... and writing to/about them. If you think about it... each photograph we take, moment we jot down on paper, or image we have engrained in our minds are ways that we keep the friends we meet on our travels with us, always reachable. I know it's not really the same as The Living Wall, but there are some parallels in the importance of remembering people... and keeping them close to us.

All of this deep thinking I've been doing brings to mind two movies - “Serendipity” and “Sliding Doors”. Both of these really focus on all the little things in life that either bring us together – or pull us away from one another. Life is made up of all the actions we take, or the ones we decide against... and where we end up, who we end up with, and who we become are all thanks to those tiny choices. It makes my brain hurt a bit thinking about all the courses that my life could have taken. I couldn’t be happier about where I am right now, but don't you always wonder… what if?

"No Shirts, No Shoes, No Problem..."

Imagine this. You get up... you even get dressed in pretty clothes and somewhat match... you attempt do something with your hair and put on a bit of mascara. If you're a girl, I mean. Then you figure out how to get to a surprise going-away party 40 minutes away. You walk, get on the tram (even buy a ticket for once), walk some more... figure out where the bus stop is, and wait.

So the bus never comes. By the time you would get to the party (shout out Alli Restko), you would only be able to be there for 10 minutes before having to truck all the way back to St. Kilda. So, you turn around. Limp your way back to the tram stop and catch the #16 back to a familiar street, get off, see a favorite cafe, order a skinny mocha and some water, and sit down. You take a deep breath, turn on your iPod, and notice your shoulders are no longer hunched, your stomach is no longer turning, and you have a feeling of... relaxation? An hour to go before you're back at work and the sun is shining - it's even warm. One hour to do absolutely nothing and it feels like you've never experienced that sensation before.

Now, I realize that is a bit dramatic - okay, even more than a bit. However, try standing on your feet for 11 hours a day (not an exaggeration) for 5 days in a row. You'd be a bit grumpy, a bit stiff, and a bit worn out - don't you think? So this glimmer of 60 whole minutes to sit by myself and (literally) put my feet up was absolutely amazing. It's the little things in life, right? After my coffee, I wandered down to the beach and saw the potential that my gorgeous suburb has. Kids were building sandcastles, the freezing waves were making everyone scream and laugh, and couples were lounging on towels - soaking up the sun. So I took my shoes off, stripped out of my sweater (I had a t-shirt on Dad), and rolled up my jeans. Life could be worse.

Waitressing is amazingly fun, tiring, hilarious, stressful, entertaining, physically painful, and perfect. It is exactly what I needed. You know when something happens to you... and for once, you understand that it is supposed to happen at that exact moment? That's how I feel about my job right now. Life here was getting... a bit stuffy, a bit routine. Getting hired on at Beachcombers for 50+ hrs/week is definitely a big responsibility, but everything that comes with it is fantastic. I usually work the outside patio, which is 15 feet from the ocean and I get to see the red, pink, purple, orange, and yellow sunset every night. The people are, exactly what I needed. They are funny, so friendly, very supportive, and - comfortable. Being the oldest of four, I am very used to teasing and being teased. And as weird as this is, I miss it. The guys I work with do a great job at helping me out with that part... and the girls are just awesome. We had to work until almost 2AM the other night, and after we got done cleaning up the restaurant and polishing the "cutlery" (aka silverware) we were able to sit outside and each have a drink. It's just so cool that a group of 20-somethings from all around the world (England, Ireland, Germany, Australia, America, Slovenia, Canada, etc) are able to connect on such a basic, and familiar, level. Everyone, and everywhere, is so uniquely different - but I've realized that if you put a random group of 12 together on a gorgeous night somewhere in the world... and give them some wine, they'll get along just fine :)

So when I'm getting stressed about having to work 11 - 13 hour shifts, and my feet are killing me, and I wish that I was somewhere grabbing a beer instead... it's nice to look around and see people ordering the $140 seafood platter wearing nothing but swimming trunks and sunscreen. It's okay if everyone assumes I'm Canadian and asks what Provence I'm from, or looks at me strangely when I don't know what "serviette" means. I have people who will set out my cutlery when I forget, and who can explain to me the difference between a "lemon squash", a "lemonade", and a "lemon slice". I get a free meal every day and there's never a shortage of interesting conversations. Shout out to Barack Obama who has come up quiet frequently... him and the NY Jets for some reason...

... To working for the weekends, my friends. Or for me... Thursdays and Fridays!

One is Silver, the Other is Gold

I don't know about you guys, but recently my life has been a never-ending, constantly spiraling, black hole of juxtapositions. Even more specifically, an awkward explosion of my old life meeting my new one. There isn't a part of my day-to-day routine that isn't a step forward into my evolving Aussie lifestyle, but there is always an ever-looming shadow that is colored in red, white, and blue hues. The more accustom I become to the little differences here, the more I feel my old habits being highlighted in the back of my mind. Even though I try to push these nagging voices aside, sometimes they are pretty deafening.

For example, when I'm grocery shopping and go to grab a bag of the Red Rock Deli Dijon Mustard & Honey potato chips - my subconscious kicks in, "Why aren't you getting baked chips? Do you know how bad these are for you? These aren't even close to Baked Lays! When was the last time you even had regular potato chips?" I'd like to note that I'm not voluntarily picking these chips... Baked Lays are actually nowhere to be found in this city. And Americans get the stereotype for being unhealthy... pshh...

Or when I'm talking to my Irish friends and they ALWAYS pronounce "th" as just "t". It has taken me a couple of weeks, and many teeth grinding sessions, to stop correcting them that "taught" does not mean "thought" in English. And when they say, "I was tinking, and tinking, and tinking.." it actually means "thinking". Even though we're speaking the same language, it sure doesn't seem like it sometimes. *I'd like to take this opportunity to publicly apologize to Sean McGoldrick for telling him that he needs English as a Second Language classes.*

Onto another aspect of old vs. new... I got a job! I'm working as a part-time waitress at a restaurant in St. Kilda called "BeachComber" (google it!). It's 15 feet from the rolling waves of the ocean and shows off tons of stunning orange umbrellas on their terrace. We serve Kangaroo and us staff proudly sport the bright orange in cute t-shirts with white "Beachcomber" block letters down the side. Now, I bet some of you are thinking...waitressing, not so new or foreign of a concept...?

Wrong people, very wrong.

What would you do if a couple asked for a "weak, skinny, latte" and a "short, black"? Or what would you do if one woman came in at 10AM and stayed until your shift was over around 4PM - you'd probably think she was a bit weird right? False. This is very normal for people to take their time... relax... and enjoy themselves. In the States, lunch is characterized as "get in and get out". People scarf down their food and rush back to work, trying to squeeze every minute into their day to close that deal, get the promotion, and "hit the mark". There is an air of leisure that I've noticed in Europe as well as Oz. Enjoying life and taking one's time is definitely understated back home, while here it is underlined and practiced. I'd like to take a page out of their book, what do you think? :)

So as you can see, the more I'm adapting to this fantastic new culture... the more accentuated the little things that I didn't even notice before are becoming. Although I'm trying my best to fully embrace all the new quirks and twists, I definitely miss a couple things from back home. However, I'm lucky enough to have gotten a taste of the good ol' U S of A this morning in the form of a brown, square package with the return address being Abercrombie & Fitch. Now this certain surprise contained a TON of my favorite things in the whole world. Yes, most of them were food... and I couldn't be more excited about it! 2 boxes of wheat thins, 4 packages of baked lays, a king sized box of Junior Mints, a family sized Peanut M&Ms bag, and two Reeses Peanut Butter Cups unpacked on my shelf - new mix CDs downloading on my computer - and a new shirt to prance around in makes me a happy girl :) There are those vices from home that are irresistible, especially when unattainable!

So for this coming weekend, ladies and gentleman, I'd like you guys to give yourself the luxury of indulgence and the adventure of exploration. Give into those couple of things that make you go "ahhhh". But for every Junior Mint you pop, or Wheat Thin you crunch, try something you've never stumbled upon before! In the words of the ever-wise David Meyers, "Broaden your horizons." There's nothing more exhilarating than pushing your limits and finding something new that quickly becomes your "ahhhh", your familiar Achilles' Heel.

As for me, while munching on peanut m&ms I'll be searching through Melbourne's "Haunted Book Store" and maybe, just maybe... trying Kangaroo.

"The Things They Carried"

I'm not sure if everyone has read this book, but Tim O'Brien came to mind while lugging my 50 lb suitcase, hiking backpack, vera duffel, and two HUGE purses over to our new place! Packing up and leaving Jessica House was such a relief. I couldn't wait to get out of the smokey, cat filled, dusty room that was our "home". I'm really not that picky of a person, I've lived outdoors for weeks at a time... traveled to Europe and back... moved about a bazillion times in my life... but for some reason, this place was just too much. It might have been due to the fact that the bathroom had cracked 1950's style black and white checked floor, or that the rug felt like sandpaper, or maybe it was simply due to our neighbors who painted us into our room for the day. I can attribute any of these reasons to why Patty and I have lugged all "The Things We Carried" over to our new residence on Carlisle Street!

I'm going to be honest. Carlisle Street is definitely what you call, "a fixer-upper". Yes, the ladies of the night do prowl around the street ouside our gates... and yes, we have had to kill a mouse... and yes, we did have to assemble our own bunk beds. BUT, I think we have now found our Australian "home". We have finally been able to unpack, after 3 weeks, and boy it feels good to be able to figure out what I'm wearing based on weather/mood/event rather than what is on top of my suitcase. I'm not a girly-girl, but seeing my pretty dresses hanging up nicely definitely gives me something to smile about. However, looking at all the (again, for lack of a better term) crap we brought I feel kind of silly. Who needs 6 different pairs of sleeping shorts? Or twelve pairs of shoes? Gosh, you would think I was moving to the moon for the rest of my life by the amount of stuff I brought. It just makes me think about the things we need and the things we can live without.

For example, my old highschool grey "Wooster" shirt... I could not live without. But, my j.crew flip flops? Toss them. The clutter that we find ourselves clinging too doesn't seem so important when you have to physically carry it around the world. Trust me... your shoulders, back, and legs will thank you if you leave those 10 pairs designer jeans at home. My dad and Scott don't know this yet, but when they come to visit, whoever gets here first... will be bringing back a 50 lb suitcase full of the things I have realized I can part with. It doesn't make sense for me to be carrying my weight in clothing... so to hell with it, I can wear a couple of things over and over again. I'm at the laundromat now aren't I? Washing machines were invented for a reason.

A lot of my friends have moved over the past year and a half. Some far away, and some a little bit of a jump instead of a leap. Either way, moving is hard and you always find yourself staring at piles of things you feel like you need... but in the long run, can leave behind. I'd like to give a shout out to a group of cute girls, my family, and one very frat-astic looking boy who made the frames I brought over. Those things, are definitely pieces that I will never be able to send back... or leave behind.

So let's jump to the metaphor that I'm getting at, all the worries and the problems that you have in your life... the day-to-day things, and the ones that have lasted longer than that. Let them go. You can only shoulder so much, and make sure that the things you all carry are beneficial and life long. Carrying things with you that are fleeting, and are only harmful is kind of unnecessary - don't you think?

Take a look around and let the pieces fall where they may, when push comes to shove you'll be left with the important things and lifelong people. Let those be the ones you worry about... let those be the ones you carry :)

Cross your fingers for warmer weather, less mice, cheaper beer, and new friendships - at least that's what I'm doing!

Many The Miles

I think everyone, no matter who you are, has a mental list of songs that (for lack of a better term) puts a kick in your step. Walking back to Jessica house with my arms full of groceries... and by groceries, I mean chips, wine, an Aero bar, water, and redbull... one of my new favorite songs came on my iPod. I don't know if many of you are familiar with Sara Bareilles besides her overly played "Love Song", but "Many The Miles" is plainly... one of the best songs ever. Maybe it's just because, in my head, I warp the lyrics to fit perfectly with my Australian adventure... but either way, I suggest you all download it. Immediately.

Onto more up-to-date stuff, PATTY AND I ARE MOVING! Yes, this will be our third move in two weeks! #1 - to the hostel, #2 - to Jessica house, and now... keep your pants on Twilight fans... #3 - to Carlisle Street!! We're going to be in a duplex of sorts, but we don't care - anything to get out of this smokey, stinky flat we have now. The bottom apartment houses four Irish boys who are super nice and friendly, and the top has a German girl, a girl from Finland, and soon to be two girls from the States! The walls are painted all sorts of different colors and... drumroll, please... we have an actual kitchen and a cute bathroom! Phew! Patty and I also both have interviews for jobs next week as well... So not all is lost in the Land Down Under! This weekend will definitely be one filled with tons of cheap celebrations! In fact, we've already sprung for bottles of Yellowtail instead of Goon...

Although the house hunting process has been a very annoying one, it's been really eye-opening as well. It's been cool to see a lot of different living situations and we've gotten to meet a bunch of people too. Although, we definitely will not be living with the two Irish guys who wanted to get drinks after we saw their apartment and called us "American Dolls". As I've said a couple of times, this sure has been interesting.

Time to start the weekend festivities, but I'll leave you all with some lyrics from the genius that is Sara Bareilles...

"There's too many things I haven't done yet,
Too many sunsets I haven't seen...
You can't waste the day wishing it'd slow down,
You would've though by now...
I would have learned something."

..."Free"...

I think one of the main reasons, if not THE main reason, why I decided to move halfway across the world was ::: to be able to search for, understand, and find what it really means to be "free". Like most everyone else I know, up until a year ago my life had pretty much been planned out for me. This life consisted of school, sports, friends, and family. There wasn't much else, and I didn't need much else. After college I did what millions of other recent grads do, moved and found a "this pays my rent" job. Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for Quest Software (shout out to all my former co-workers!) for hiring me, but it was a monotonous lifestyle. Get up, go to work, go to lunch, go back to work, go home, go to sleep, repeat. I bet some of you (if anyone is actually reading this) are nodding their heads thinking, "that is my life". Well guys, I woke up one cold March morning and it hit me - it was time for a change. And this change, this resounding feeling - had to happen soon.

It's human nature to want to be around the ones we know and love, in a place that is safe and familiar. Rarely do we get that itch, that desire, to break from everything we have come to call "home" and turn our lives upside down. I don't know if it is an act of bravery to be able to do this, or cowardice to end what we have worked so hard to create. Either way, however you twist it in your head, coming to terms with this feeling is alone an act of setting yourself "free".

However, here I have found myself yearning for many of the familiar things I thought I wanted to stray from. I want a home, not a place to stay, but a home. I want friends, not just to go out with, but ones that are familiar and warm. I want a family to look forward to the holiday's with and who know my shortcomings so well, and love me for everything I am and everything I am not. I want a career, not a job, but something that sparks me… that molds me, and creates me. Doesn't sound too different, or too "free", than I was before - huh?

When I told my friends and family about my decision to move here, I usually got the same response - "this is so YOU". The ones who know me the most went on to say something along the lines of, "you won't be happy until you do this". So maybe, just maybe… I'll figure out this feeling of freedom here. It won't be due to my location…who I'm with, or what i'm doing… I'm thinking it'll be the little things that start the slight change within me… and when I understand what this feeling of "free" is, I'll let you guys in on the secret.

So I'm sitting here, in my new favorite cafe - drinking my favorite drink - twenty feet from the rolling waters of the ocean and still feeling the same pressures as I did at home, if not more. However, I'm starting to realize that the "free" factor that I'm looking for isn't due to a far away place, but it's going to start in my thoughts and then trickle down to my actions… soon enough I'll begin to live freely although I'll have the same constraints as I did back home. It's not the palm trees, or the white sand, or the (very) cold salt air… but it's in how I look at things and how I see others. Most of all, I think that it's going to be how I see myself…

Here's to finding your own freedom, friends. No matter where you are. xoxo.